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Dec 1, 2014
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Dec 10, 2014

Naskah

Kusambut tepuk tangan penonton. Kusapu pandangan mereka. Tidak tampak lagi seorang seniman yang selalu bertepuk paling keras dan berteriak memanggil namaku setiap kali kuselesaikan satu pentas. Ia ayah angkatku. Menghilang entah kemana.

Baru saja kulihat kereta itu membawamu, melaju di atas rel baja tua yang kurasa hampir sudah seabad terbentang di sana. Di stasiun ini mataku menoleh dan melihat banyaknya manusia yang sibuk dalam urusan mereka masing-masing dengan ribuan macam suara yang hanya memekakkan telinga di tambah lagi dengan gulungan asap rokok para perokok ulung, yang seakan sedang bersaing dengan asap lokomotif kereta api.

Kakiku yang melangkah pelan di stasiun ini sudah makin terasa letih. Namun aku seakan sedang merasakan adanya kenangan lain yang pernah terjadi dalam ingatan. Aku kembali mengingat pada setaun yang lalu. Di stasiun ini pulalah aku menjemputmu, menunggu kepulanganmu dari luar kota itu. setelah seringnya hari berganti minggu, bahkan bulan, saat kau mencari dimana keberadaan istrimu pergi membawa kabur cintamu. dan sekarang, kaumbali pergi menyusul cintamu!

Kau memakai baju berwarna coklat seingatku. Rambutmu yang masih panjang sebahu tak pernah sempat kau sisir rapi setelah ditinggalnya pergi. Satu lagi, aku selalu ingat liontin kalung taring harimaumu yang tajam. Semoga masih terus tergantung di lehermu.

Mungkin benar bahwa aku takkan pernah bisa menggantikannya di hatimu. Entahlah! Sungguh itu sangat sulit. Apalagi untuk seorang perempuan yang belum terlalu pengalaman sepertiku. Aku merasa sudah cukup lama mengenal watakmu yang keras itu: Kau orang yang egois, meskipun aku juga mengerti bahwa kau adalah orang yang sangat optimis. Banyak para seniman berkunjung ke rumahmu, sekadar ingin menanyakan kabar dan sedikit bercerita tentang kesenian yang biasanya akan kau ciptakan tak lama itu. Jujur, aku sangat senang mendengarnya. Ada rasa bangga tersendiri di hatiku ketika sedang mendengarkan para seniman itu memasang obrolan.

Nyatanya, aku berbeda dengan istrimu. Dia tak pernah suka mendengarkan obrolan yang keluar darimu seakan hanya berbicara tentang kau dan jiwamu yang selalu ingin berkesenian agar dinikmati oleh masyarakat luas. Kau sajikan karyamu untuk banyak penikmat, kau pentaskan lakonmu menghibur orang banyak tanpa pernah kau berpikir besok kalian makan apa? Mampu membeli apa?

Keretamu pun kurasa sudah semakin jauh melaju. Aku hapus air mata yang jatuh di pipi sambil lewat pada tengah keramaian itu. Aku sudah tak memedulikan apakah ada orang jahat di belakangku, apakah ada di antara mereka yang sedang memperhatikan tangisku.

Kakiku melangkah pelan dengan membawa beban ingatan manis tentangmu. Kepalaku terasa berat sekali saat itu. Aku seperti sedang ditimpa beban yang tak bisa kujelaskan beban apa itu. Ku lambaikan tangan memanggil taksi dan setelah kami sama-sama menyesuaikan harga ongkos, kami langsung berangkat menuju alamatku. Aku duduk di kursi belakang sambil seringkali ku lihat mata supir taksi itu mengintip lewat celah kaca. Ah biarlah, karena aku sudah sangat terbiasa bahkan sering bertemu dengan orang yang tua-tua keladi semacam ini. Dengan belagak santai, akhirnya ku raih headset di dalam tas sandangku untuk mendengarkan Only Hope-nya Mandi Moore, serasa aku sudah berubah wujud menjadi penyanyi itu.

Taksi itu pun akhirnya sampai di depan perkarangan rumah.

***

Awan nampak cerah, langit pagi itu terasa sangat teduh. Sementara aku hanya terdiam di rumah ini memikirkanmu. Sudah satu minggu aku di sini menunggumu. Sangat pasti kesepian itu acap kali datang. Aku sudah terbiasa melihatmu di perkarangan rumah ketika kau sedang menyirami bunga mawar merah yang ditanami oleh kekasih tercintamu itu. Saat itu pula aku merasa bahwa sifat feminin sedang muncul di hatimu. Karena kurasa sifat feminin itu selalu ada pada setiap diri laki-laki yang itu bisa terlihat di saat momen tertentu. Sekadar ingin ku memberitaumu, bahwa diriku seringkali diam-diam memperhatikan senyum manis yang biasanya muncul lewat bibirmu. Dan taukah dirimu bahwa saat ini, akulah perempuan yang sedang menggantikanmu menyiram bunga mawar itu. Ku mencurahkan semua kelembutan hati pada tumbuhan yang kadang bisa membuatku tersenyum sendiri sambil memandang saksi bisu bagi cinta di hatimu.

Rasa bosan itu kembali datang. Dengan sedikit mempercepat, akhirnya tanganku memutuskan untuk memutarkan keran air dan membasuh tanganku yang telah kotor tersenggol tanah setelah tadi kucabuti rumput di sekitar pot bunga di halaman itu. Kau pasti senang melihatnya bukan?

Sungguh sangat dalam perasaan cintaku untukmu. Engkau lelaki yang menurutku memiliki semua hal yang kukagumi. Selama ini aku bagaikan satu dari sekian banyak wadah kosong yang hanya mampu menunggu kedatangan isi ke dalamnya dan jika takdirku baik, maka akan masuklah suatu yang baik ke dalamnya, namun jika takdirku salah maka tak jarang wadah itu hanya menjadi tempat sampah. Begitulah nasib perempuan sepertiku yang hanya mampu menyimpan perasaan suka tanpa bisa mengungkapkannya pada lelaki manapun yang menarik hati.

Tentang penampilanmu. Bagiku kau adalah orang yang sangat tahu mencari pakaian yang cocok dengan wajahmu yang unik itu. Sifatmu yang seringkali konyol—pernah suatu hari aku melihat dirimu berjoget sendiri tanpa musik tuk menemani goyanganmu itu di kamar yang kebetulan tak sempat kau kunci. Entah apa yang kau latih. Atau mungkin kau sedang latihan olah tubuh seperti yang sering kau ceritakan padaku, atau memang dirimu sedang merasa dipenuhi kebosanan dengan dunia ini sehingga kau ingin merasakan kebebasan dalam menggerakkan sendi dan otot di tubuhmu. Entahlah!

Kau juga dikenal banyak orang karena tingkahmu yang seringkali membuat kelucuan. Aku sampai tak mampu menahan tawa. Kau juga seringkali bercerita tentang pengalaman keaktoranmu waktu muda. Kau bercerita tentang pelatih teatermu yang mengajakmu berjalan ke luar kota berdua. Lalu tanpa mampu kau sadari, ternyata ia menyita dompet dan seluruh apa yang kau punya di tempat asing dan kau pun ditinggal,sendirian di tengah kota tanpa satupun keluarga yang bisa kau hubungi. Aku sangat yakin bahwa hatimu pasti sangat jengkel ketika itu, ya ‘kan? Kau ditinggalkan begitu saja dengan tubuhmu yang hanya dibalut sehelai pakaian di badan. Kau menjadi gelandangan selama seminggu. Engkau berkisah tentang dirimu yang berpura-pura menjadi orang gila.Dengan pakaian kumuhmu itu, kau datangi warung makan sambil memasang wajah gila sekadar meminta pada mereka tuk membungkuskan nasi. Siapa yang tega jika sudah melihatmu seperti itu?

Ah, memang sangat banyak pengalaman bodoh yang ada padamu. Pantas saja jika istrimu tak kuat jika harus mengikuti gaya hidupmu yang konyol itu. Dasar lelaki aneh!

***

Hari sudah semakin gelap dengan doa dan seluruh harapan yang serasa mempercepat waktu seorang gadis sepertiku. Mungkin jika sekiranya kau ingin tau tentang perasaanku saat ini, jawabannya pasti rindulah yang telah menguasai otak dan seluruh akar perasaan di tubuhku. Dengan kata lain, akan kukatakan bahwa diriku lebih kuat memendam bangkai daripada harus memendam rindu.

Diriku ingin beranjak menuju kamar tidur namun aku masih harus mempersiapkan kebutuhan makan malam di dapur. Ingin rasanya ku undang angin yang melintas di atas kepala, untuk ikut makan bersama, menikmati hidangan yang telah ku masak sendiri—meski dengan harapan engkau pun bisa mencicipinya—untuk temani kesepianku di malam yang gelap ini.

Langkahku pelan menuju dapur, menyusuri ruangan yang penuhsesak oleh kenangan-kenangan yang selalu datang di setiap pikirku. Namun tiba-tiba saja mataku seperti sedang melihat sesuatu yang sedang tersandar pada dinding menuju ke kamarmu. Aku penasaran. Lalu kudekati sesuatu itu sembari menebak apa gerangan. Benda itu seperti figura foto ukuran A2 yang masih terbungkus rapi. Segera tanganku meraih benda itu, tanpa mengerti mengapa ada di situ.

“Milik siapakah benda ini?” pikirku.

Langsung saja kubuka ikatan yang menempel pada benda itu. Lidahku kelu, tak mampu berucap apa-apa. Akhirnya kusentuh kanvas yang tertindih oleh campuran warna cat minyak itu dengan lembut. Aku melihat seorang perempuan setengah baya yang mengenakan baju biru tua.

Itulah ia. Istrimu!

Wajahnya keibuan. Hidung mancung dengan kedua mata tajam seolah sedang menatap diriku. Bibir tipis merona membuat wajahnya semakin cantik. Bulu mata yang sengaja dilentikkan oleh sang pelukis itu mengalahkan bulu mataku yang selama ini juga sangat lentik setiap kali kulihat lewat cermin.

Entah dari mana kau dapatkan lukisan ini. Siapa yang kau suruh melukis wajah secantik ini? Secara kebetulan, tiba-tiba aku mengingat bahwa hari inilah istrimu lahir. Aku, yang sejak dulu tak pernah mengalami rasa cinta yang spesial dari seorang lelaki, merasakan sedikit rasa iri hati melihat keromantisanmu pada perempuan itu. Aku berpikir bahwa dirimu sengaja meminta pelukis menggambar wajah istrimu secantik ini untuk menyenangkan hati perempuan itu. Begitu, ‘kan? Namun sayang sungguh sayang, ternyata takdirmu sendiri berbedadengan harapanmu. Aku menutupi kembali lukisan itu seperti awal agar tak pernah ada debu jahat yang menempel di wajah manis istrimu, dan seakan sudah tak kuat hatiku mengingat wajah cantik istrimu itu. Segera saja ku singkirkan ia dari pandangan. Karena serasa tak mampu jika diriku disuruh untuk menggambarkan kesedihanmu itu. Hanya Tuhanlah yang tahu.

***

Aku hanyalah tokoh kecil di dalam lakon yang Tuhan ciptakan untuk kalian berdua. Sudah hampir lima tahun aku tinggal bersamamu di rumah yang sederhana ini setelah dulu kau pungut aku dari jalanan kota. Aku anak jalanan yang takkan pernah mengerti dunia yang indah ini jika bukan karena dirimu. Kau yang menolongku ketika aku sedang butuh seseorang yang baik sepertimu saat ini.

Aku dulunya selalu terlantar di jalanan kota bersama segerombolan sahabat yang kukira bisa menjadi tempatku berbagi dan mengadu. Ternyata dugaanku salah. Bodohnya aku. Aku terjerumus ke dalam jurang, tanpa menemukan jalan untuk mendaki kembali ke permukaan. Aku terhasut oleh ajakan mereka. Awalnya, aku diberikan barang itu dengan gratis oleh orang yang sok perhatian padaku itu. Ia adalah temanku di SMA, seorang perempun. Aku menyesal mengenal perempuan itu hingga sekarang. Hidupnya sudah sangat tak bisa lagi kujelaskan padamu. Bagaimana hari tuanya nanti jika dia terus seperti itu.

Kau saat itu mendekatiku dengan penuh bijaksana seperti seorang bapak sedang menasehati anaknya. Pendek kata, akhirnya kau mengajak diriku untuk tinggal bersamamu di rumah yang hanya ada kamu dan istrimu di tempat ini. Diriku merasa kembali kesulitan untuk menggambarkan perasaan yang aku rasakan saat itu. Aku tak mampu berucap apa-apa, melunak setelah mendengar sentuhan ucapan yang keluar lewat bibirmu.

“Aku bersedia menjadi anak angkatmu,” ucapku.

***

Hujan sangat lebat pagi itu. Aku sedari tadi sudah tidak mampu mendengar suara lain selain suara tetesan hujan yang semakin terasa ribut di luar kamar. Sudah terbiasa bagi diriku berdiam sendiri di sana, seakan aku sudah sangat bersahabat dengan semua barang di kamarku. Ukuran ruangan itu tidak terlalu besar.

Diriku merasa ada yang berbeda pada hari itu. Aku yang terbiasa setiap hari selalu mendengarkan panggilan ibu angkatku untuk ikut sarapan bersama mereka, namun hari itu tidak. Aku akhirnya hanya sibuk menulis naskah teater di dalam ruangan yang banyak menyimpan kenangan bagiku.

Aku hanya ingin kembali menceritakan, tentang kehidupanku dalam waktu satu tahun pertama di rumahitu. Mereka selalu suruh diriku menulis dan tidak meneruskan sekolah yang dulunya putus di kelas satu SMA. Diriku mereka paksa membaca banyak buku milik mereka maupun buku yang kubeli sendiri. Tapi tetap itu bukan uangku, melainkan pemberian dari mereka. Aku telah diajarkantentang banyak hal untuk bisa mengerti tentang penulisan naskah di dalam teater, selain ayah yang selalu mengajakku menyaksikan teater di setiap acara apapun. Begitu juga tentang naskah teater. Ia sibuk mengumpulkan naskah teater karya orang lain, dan dibukukan sendiri, lalu diberikan padaku sebagai bacaan wajib untuk referensi.

***

Seringkali aku dengar pertengkaran di antara pasangan itu. Meskipun aku tak ambil pusing, namun tetap saja hatiku merasa tak enak, seolah-olah mereka sedang bertengkar karena aku di rumah itu. Istri yang memang sejak awal sudah tidak suka dengan gaya hidup seorang seniman, ah entah apa alasannya. Kurasa hanya karena dirinya belum mampu memahami lebih dalam pemikiran suaminya itu.

Sejalan dengan didikan lelaki seniman itu, diriku rasanya sudah semakin mengerti apa itu teater yang selalu disebutkan oleh segolongan orang di kota. Aku diam-diam menyukai teater. Entah apa itu teater bagi mereka, namun bagiku teater adalah dunia kehidupan yang sesungguhnya. Semua orang itu sedang memainkan perannya masing-masing.

Panggung tiba-tiba gelap oleh sinar yang tadi menyala menyinari wajahku yang ditutupi riasan wajah hingga tebal. Suara tepuk tangan penonton memenuhi ruangan. Aku bergegas berlari ke belakang panggung menunggu namaku di panggil kembali oleh pengisi acara.

Terima kasih Tuhan atas terselesaikannya cerita dalam naskah monologku malam ini. Berjuta rasa yang ada di hati. Semuanya sekarang telah penuh dengan warna warni kebanggaan. Penonton kembali meneriakkan namaku ketika pengisi acara memanggil lagi untuk kedua kalinya agar segera naik ke atas panggung.

Kusambut tepuk tangan penonton. Kusapu pandangan mereka. Tidak tampak lagi seorang seniman yang selalu bertepuk paling keras dan berteriak memanggil namaku setiap kali kuselesaikan satu pentas. Ia ayah angkatku. Menghilang entah kemana.

10 Desember 2014

*Penulis adalah peserta Bengkel Menulis angkatan ke-II

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